Sunday, August 15, 2010

Becoming An Adult: I can.

Dear you,

More has changed. I've already informed you of my lack of college this year. I decided to not even try with ECC anymore. Although I doubt I could have gone this semester even if I wanted to. So, for now, I'll work.

I got a job at a pub here in town. I'll be the hostess every Friday and Saturday and then do prep Monday through Wednesday. It seems pretty fun so far. Oh, and I got the job at Wet Seal. I beat out everyone I was up against and was given the position. Unfortunately, I was unable to take it because of the pub job. The hours conflicted. But I can take with me the immense satisfaction that I was given the job and no one else.

So, that being said, I'm good. I have one job and prospects for others. I even have other prospects for schools.

On a slightly sadder note, my mom has gone back to Florida. She was given a job and she took it. I'm proud of her. The things that she has done in the last month will undoubtedly make her a stronger woman, even if she can't see it now.

Yeah...so this means I'm now living alone. I have always told myself I did not want to live alone. I'm still not completely sure how I feel about it. I think I'll never be sure while I'm here because I'm not really alone. Yes, I am the only one living in the apartment. But, my great aunt and uncle are right upstairs in their house. I've already been invited to a bbq with my Uncle Mike today. I have dinner plans for a few nights this week with him and his mother in law (who loves to cook). I just can't truly feel alone while I have so many people ready to make me feel in the middle of everything.

Yesterday, when she left I of course sat around and sobbed to my hearts content. After about ten minutes of this I got a tissue, wiped my eyes and was done with it. Not that I'm done missing my mom (that will likely never happen, as with all my family in Florida) but I got over the self pity. I'm a big girl and this is my time.

I started organizing. If you give me a space and some junk I'll organize it. Guaranteed. I set up my desk in the front room. I set up the counter next to the desk. I washed the dishes. I felt better. I think I might actually like having my own space.

Hell, maybe this is actually a good thing. Baby steps. Well, I guess moving 1300 miles isn't exactly a baby step. But in the sense that I'm living "alone" before I really live alone. This will let me get used to it so someday when I get an apartment of my own I won't be so blindsided.

As I've said before, I believe everything happens for a reason. I can't always tell the reasoning behind certain turns of events but I know there has to be one. The last month has cemented that into me. I'm on the path I should be, as my mom is on hers.

Oh and one more guru nonsensical comment (I've gotten very philosophical lately): nothing is as permanent as it seems. I can move back any time I want. My mom can move here any time she wants. Heck, tomorrow I could board a flight to Los Angeles (not that I'd ever want to live there). Who the hell cares? Nothing is permanent and this is my time to do whatever I want!

I will be okay. And I'll say that a thousand more times if I have to.

Sincerely, me

2 comments:

  1. Oh Honey! I can guarantee you'll be okay!! You're one of the people who pick themselves up, brush themselves off and keep moving forward. Many other people will just sit in the dust, keep crying "woe is me"(and they'll be right), and go nowhere. Once you are on your feet your response will be, "so, what's next!" Go for it Chickee!!

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  2. I've cried a few tears over leaving you and returning to Florida. Your dad has reminded me how much family you have there to keep you company, lean on when you're tired, and run to in an emergency. Now if we can just get that stupid Skype to work on your laptop, you never have to be by yourself when you don't want to. By the way, today is Aunt Marlene and Uncle John's anniversary and tomorrow (Tuesday) is Linda's birthday! I'll talk to you soon. Love you like crazy!

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