But I started a new blog. While this is more of a journal type of blog, this new one is a funny (hopefully)/foodie/crafty blog. I'm still getting into the swing of things but if you haven't seen it, go check it out. I just posted a new story and everything!
Happy and Full of Ice Cream
These are my letters to home of the twenty first century.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Oopsies
Real quick before I start my post I want to say that this past month has gone by faster than expected so WHOOPS for not posting at all.
So, I made a poopy friend mistake this week. I have this issue where I get all anxious about things. Especially when they have to do with people I care about. I want to make them as happy as possible, no matter what. That is, of course, an unrealistic expectation. Not only is that just impossible, I'm also not perfect and I'd say a good 30% of the time I just get it wrong. Well, this was one of those times.
A folk music festival is coming up that I really want to go to. I had been debating whether or not to attend because I couldn't think of anybody to go with. No one I know has a real passion for folk music so I don't want to pressure or guilt anyone to go with me. But then I had a stroke of genius! A friend from a few classes here at UCF is a folkie as well, which I just learned. I don't know her super well, but I figure she seems really cool and when I brought the festival up to her her eyes got wide and she seemed really interested.
Yay me! I had solved my problem. Case closed, right? Wrong.
I mentioned this to my best friend in the whole wide world. I told her how I knew she probably wouldn't really want to go since she wasn't into folk music too much. Here comes that pleasing everyone thing that I mentioned earlier. While I could have asked Cheryl, I was too worried she wouldn't want to go. Then, I worried that she wouldn't want to go but she'd feel like she had to since I couldn't find anyone else to go. If she felt obligated then that meant she wouldn't really want to be there so I'd spend the whole time trying to help her have fun. Which would effectively kill any fun the two of us could have. That's how the scenario played out in my head. Anxiety.
She seemed a bit quiet when I told her about my new friend that I was going to invite but otherwise seemed fine. The next day I excitedly told her how Demi (said new friend) seemed like she really wanted to go. Cheryl seemed quiet yet again and this time I didn't just brush it off. She explained to me that when I had said I wanted to go she thought I was going to ask her, as she had actually kind of wanted to go since I had so much fun the last time I went. Instant guilt.
Why is it that as her "best friend" I wasn't able to just know she wanted to come? By now, I've made a whole big mess of things because I simply cannot un-invite Demi. But I want to invite Cheryl. But now she will see it as a pity invite which it's not. But honestly if the situation were reversed that's how I would probably take it. And if she did come then I'd have the anxiety that comes from hanging out with two friends of mine that don't know each other. Trust me, it's no fun.
Basically, I feel like I've made it seem as though I would rather spend time with a girl a kind of know than the one I claim to be best friends with. Sometimes I feel like I just can't do anything right. Like I'm a royal screw-up. I should have asked her first. But I didn't. And now I feel bad.
Moral of the story: I'm not perfect. I make mistakes...kind of a lot. They make me feel more guilt than I feel is normal. I know I can never achieve perfection but I wish I could get a little closer. Another moral: I feel anxiety. A lot. The older I get the more social anxiety I seem to have. I feel like that's not good. Hmm...maybe I'll get that checked out.
Hope you're having a more mistake-free week than I am.
P.S. If I seem a little candid about my issues (namely anxiety at the moment) it's because I don't see the point in hiding it. Most people do; I usually do. But why? There's no good reason. Mental illness comes in every shade, not just black and white. Why be ashamed?
*Update: I'm tired of feeling bad for things. I don't think I'll do it anymore.*
So, I made a poopy friend mistake this week. I have this issue where I get all anxious about things. Especially when they have to do with people I care about. I want to make them as happy as possible, no matter what. That is, of course, an unrealistic expectation. Not only is that just impossible, I'm also not perfect and I'd say a good 30% of the time I just get it wrong. Well, this was one of those times.
A folk music festival is coming up that I really want to go to. I had been debating whether or not to attend because I couldn't think of anybody to go with. No one I know has a real passion for folk music so I don't want to pressure or guilt anyone to go with me. But then I had a stroke of genius! A friend from a few classes here at UCF is a folkie as well, which I just learned. I don't know her super well, but I figure she seems really cool and when I brought the festival up to her her eyes got wide and she seemed really interested.
Yay me! I had solved my problem. Case closed, right? Wrong.
I mentioned this to my best friend in the whole wide world. I told her how I knew she probably wouldn't really want to go since she wasn't into folk music too much. Here comes that pleasing everyone thing that I mentioned earlier. While I could have asked Cheryl, I was too worried she wouldn't want to go. Then, I worried that she wouldn't want to go but she'd feel like she had to since I couldn't find anyone else to go. If she felt obligated then that meant she wouldn't really want to be there so I'd spend the whole time trying to help her have fun. Which would effectively kill any fun the two of us could have. That's how the scenario played out in my head. Anxiety.
She seemed a bit quiet when I told her about my new friend that I was going to invite but otherwise seemed fine. The next day I excitedly told her how Demi (said new friend) seemed like she really wanted to go. Cheryl seemed quiet yet again and this time I didn't just brush it off. She explained to me that when I had said I wanted to go she thought I was going to ask her, as she had actually kind of wanted to go since I had so much fun the last time I went. Instant guilt.
Why is it that as her "best friend" I wasn't able to just know she wanted to come? By now, I've made a whole big mess of things because I simply cannot un-invite Demi. But I want to invite Cheryl. But now she will see it as a pity invite which it's not. But honestly if the situation were reversed that's how I would probably take it. And if she did come then I'd have the anxiety that comes from hanging out with two friends of mine that don't know each other. Trust me, it's no fun.
Basically, I feel like I've made it seem as though I would rather spend time with a girl a kind of know than the one I claim to be best friends with. Sometimes I feel like I just can't do anything right. Like I'm a royal screw-up. I should have asked her first. But I didn't. And now I feel bad.
Moral of the story: I'm not perfect. I make mistakes...kind of a lot. They make me feel more guilt than I feel is normal. I know I can never achieve perfection but I wish I could get a little closer. Another moral: I feel anxiety. A lot. The older I get the more social anxiety I seem to have. I feel like that's not good. Hmm...maybe I'll get that checked out.
Hope you're having a more mistake-free week than I am.
P.S. If I seem a little candid about my issues (namely anxiety at the moment) it's because I don't see the point in hiding it. Most people do; I usually do. But why? There's no good reason. Mental illness comes in every shade, not just black and white. Why be ashamed?
*Update: I'm tired of feeling bad for things. I don't think I'll do it anymore.*
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