A Dedication

Dear you,

This post is dedicated to Mrs. Lowe. If you know her, consider yourself lucky. If you've been taught by her, you have something mighty special that not many people have under their belt. I was lucky enough to be with her for four orchestra classes and two fiddler classes and I am who I am today because of it.

I always knew she was special, but in just the few months since I've graduated high school it has become more and more apparent. She is certainly one of a kind. Mrs. Lowe had this way of mixing life lessons into the curriculum that still fascinates me. Not many teachers today will tell you about their grandparents hanging upside down at lunch time (true story) or the extreme importance of writing thank you notes (it may lead to the nice family silverware).

There were also the opportunities she provided for us. Because of her and her crazy resources (I do not know how this woman pulled off the stuff that she did) I have seen an opera (for free), done a workshop with Sybarite5 (http://www.sybarite5.org/), seen them perform, performed alongside famous fiddlers Jacqueline and Dudley Laufmen, and made so many amazing friends along the way.

But it wasn't just her funky/hilarious stories, and her crazy connections it was also her kindness. I have rarely seen a woman so in love with her students. You can just tell.

Orchestra, at least at my school, was a huge assortment of sports, art, weirdness, hottness, un-hottness (just made both those words up), and everything in between. It's a really cool thing to teach a discipline that brings all those different aspects of high school together so thoroughly. And she did, and still does.

High school sucks. Well, at least it did for me. My freshman and sophomore years were spent trying to figure out who I was, where I belonged. I wasn't unhappy, but I didn't feel like I really belonged anywhere. Junior year I started Fiddlers (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jbl67pk85BQ). That's when I started finding myself. Finding out who I was and who I wanted to be. This all thanks to Mrs. Lowe.

By my senior year I didn't feel really comfortable at school unless I was in the orchestra room (or the orchestra portable...sigh). It felt safe. And it was where I belonged. Mrs. Lowe continued to challenge us with music that I always thought was impossible the day she passed it out. Always. I'm not sure why I didn't catch on but every time we got a new piece I'd look at her like she was crazy. And within a few weeks I could see it start to take shape. Now, some of that may have had to do with the fact that we had some extremely talented players, but it also had a ton to do with the fact that Mrs. Lowe was one of the best orchestra teachers of this generation (and that's a fact).

So this, my little blog readers, is an ode to Mrs. Lowe. I, as well as countless other people I'm sure, would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the spectacular person that you are. Never forget how much you are changing the lives of your students everyday for the better. Thank you.

Sincerely, the violinist

VLOG #1

It finally uploaded (took forever) but here it is, bad quality and all:
http://www.youtube.com/user/kabybabyy?feature=mhum

*Note: When I pasted the link into this window I almost linked to a different video. It was the last video I watched and never fails to make me laugh/cry/laugh even harder. Then thinking about almost posting it here saying it was my vlog made me laugh even harder. Oh man...


(If you're curious about what I almost put on here instead of my vlog click this link: http://www.youtube.com/user/kabybabyy?feature=mhum#p/a/f/1/615PWcBIH0U)

Third Eye Blind: soundtrack to my life (except when they're talking about doing crack)

Dear you,

While the warm weather is back, Fall is still determined as ever. Leaves are changing more by the day and some are starting to fall. They flurry around my car as I drive down winding roads going here to there, wherever that may be. It's like they're playing with me. Jumping and dancing as I drive by them. Unfortunately I can't stop and play back. Maybe soon I will.

It's pretty and I can't imagine myself anywhere else. At least, not right now. I keep saying this, but I really think I am exactly where I should be right now. Everybody back in Florida keeps begging me to move back. I know they're kidding, but I also know it's always lined with a bit of seriousness. And while I miss everybody (A LOT) Florida is not where I'm meant to be. Maybe for a vacation here and there but I can't see myself ever living there again for too long. New York might not be where I end up when things settle down for me but it's definitely where I need to start.

As for living on my own I have to admit...I love it.

"I've never been so alone... and I've never been so alive." -Third Eye Blind

I'm listening to Motorcycle Drive By by Third Eye Blind and while it doesn't match up quite perfectly the message is there. I've never been so alone. I've never lived on my own. I've never depended on myself 100%. I've never done a lot of things. I've always been self sufficient but this is a little bit more than that. And I've never felt so alive. I feel independent. I feel strong. I feel happy. And I feel grown up. Sometimes I feel like I'm still a little kid wearing my mommy's high heels and lipstick but as I look in the mirror today I see a quantifiable adult. I may still eat with my family a lot, and I may still call one of my aunts or uncles when I need directions or have a question about my car but I am me. I am on my own. And I can do this. That's an empowering thing to say.

I didn't choose in the beginning to live on my own. It wasn't part of my plan. But neither was any of this, really. The best things that have happened to me since I left Florida were the things that I hadn't planned or expected. And I want to keep living in this fashion for as long as humanly possible.

I hope you're feeling the warm embrace of fall wherever you may be.

Sincerely, me

Accidentally Deleting Everything You Wrote: freaking annoying

Ok take #2 for this post (I was just about finished and accidentally deleted the whole freaking thing).


Alright so I'm thinking about doing a vlog to coincide with this blog. Yes, I'm a dork. This would be for my friends and family who say they miss me. I figure, in lieu of skype, this is a great way for people to remember how annoying I am in person. It would also be for all my awesome friends that I don't get to talk to nearly enough. I feel bad for not calling as much as I should, but with everything going on it's hard to remember to call my Mom and Dad regularly enough, let alone everybody else!


If this sounds like a cool idea let me know and I'll start doing it. (Disclaimer: Regardless of what everybody says I'll decide whether I do it or not solely on how lazy I'm feeling that day-but it's always nice to have input)


Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd that is all. Good day.

Dear you,

I couldn't think of a good title today so oh well. I'm at kind of a crossroads here. In my baking classes I am realizing more and more that while it's fun it isn't really what I want to do. I've always wanted to decorate cakes. And while people may think that it's all the same, it's really not. Cake decorating is it's own little pocket of baking and pastry as a whole. I think baking is alright, but I don't want to do it as a profession. I want to decorate cakes. Which, in all reality, I don't need to go to college for.

For about a day, I considered dropping out of the baking program I'm in. I haven't paid yet, so now would be the time. I decided against it. I just can't leave it only partially done. It would bother me forever. That being said, once this school year is over I have no idea what to do.

My mom made me look at things from a more mature standpoint. How much money does a cake decorator (that strictly does cakes, nothing else) make? Not much. Barely enough to make it by. So then I kind of resolved I could always do something else and do cakes out of my house for extra money. That idea doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's the actual profession I'd need to pick that's the problem.

I've always loved writing, so that's an option. But the problem with that is I really would only want to do novels. And making your career as a novel writer is just about the stupidest thing you could do. What happens when writer's block hits (and it often does)? You don't make money. And there's also the huge fact that people may just not like what you write. Bad sales=no money. I could go into journalism, but I'm just not as passionate about that. But, I'm leaving it as a possibility.

What I really want to do is Graphic Design. I love piddling around with design-y things on my laptop and I'd love to be better. I think it's fun, and I could be pretty good at it. (I made the Life: Spreading logo. I mean, it's not professional quality, or even close, but it's a start.) Of course, there's a problem with that major too. A few, actually. First, you need to have a portfolio to get into design programs. Since I'm more of an "in the closet" artist I don't have a portfolio. Then there's the fact that it's a booming career choice which means for me to get a job after college doing graphic design I'd need to be pretty darn good. Just like with writing, you can't really know how good you're going to be when you go into the program. But it's a pretty important detail coming out.

After that, I really don't know. I don't have what it takes to enter a lot of different art majors. Either, I'm not talented enough, I didn't do enough in high school, what have you. I'm kind of stuck. I know I would never want to major in most business type degrees. And degrees in things like Philosophy do nothing for you in the real world. Who has a career in philosophy? No one, that's who.

For right now, I'll continue my baking classes and hope that inspiration comes to me. At my mother's wise request, if I don't have a surefire major picked out I won't enroll in college until I do.

Hoping your mind is better made up than mine.

Sincerely, me

P.S. Don't think I'm having an identity crisis or meltdown or anything. I'm fine, and this is what I want to do. I'm still of the mindset that I'm in a great position where I am. And I have my whole life ahead of me to live the life I'm laying the foundation for now. I'm not too worried about picking a major, I think something will come to me. That being said, feel free to throw ideas in!

Fall: what the hell is this?

Dear you,

I haven't written much lately. Pretty much since school started. I'm busy these days. Maybe a little more busy than I'd like to be. I'm working six or seven days a week. Yeah...days off are way overrated. But I did not come one here to complain (at least not today).

I've come here to tell you that things are okay. While I don't like to work so much I have days like today that tell me things aren't so bad, really. I got to work today very tired (even though it was 11:00 AM) and a little grumpy seeing as I haven't had a day off since Monday and won't have one until mid next week...and even that's iffy. But things perked up.

We had a banquet today and guess who was put in charge of it. If you guessed me-good job! I was quite nervous because Mike's (my manager...kind of) exact words were, "It's Kayla's party". Ummm...what?

Now, it wasn't like I had to do attend to every last detail and really it wasn't that much, but it was the fact that they trusted me enough to let me be on my own (more or less). I had the help of a brand new employee who, while being new and seemingly unexperienced in the kitchen, was quite helpful in the end. I made all the food and then plated all of it. We ran short on time, but I finished only two minutes behind schedule so I consider it a success.

This made me feel mighty good. I always tend to shy away from leadership positions. I think it's the fear of failure. I've had oppurtuities to take charge and I have let them pass. It's when I'm forced into the leading role that I realize that I'm not too shabby. In simple words: "I get shit DONE". But, all in all, it felt good. I like that I know where pretty much everything is at the pub. I like that pretty much everyone is getting used to me enough to joke around with me. And I really like it that I can feel confident in what I do.

In other news, fall is here. I've never experienced it before. Of course, I've seen pictures; I've heard about it. But it's nothing compared to seeing it happen first hand. It's so interesting to see leaves change color seemingly before your very eyes. I drive by the same trees everyday and I get to see them, one by one, leave their summer greens behind. It's beautiful. It's the vibrant red ones that really take my breathe away. And I mean, randomly driving by, having some conversation with myself or singing a song, and everything in my head stops as I watch the red leaves whistling through the air on an old sycamore.

I am thankful to be here to see this amazing feat of nature. This is the kind of experience I feel that I've missed out on in Florida. I don't regret growing up there at all, but I feel my place is elsewhere now.

I'm hoping your fall is as devastatingly beautiful as mine is.

Sincerely, me

Winnie The Pooh: way cooler than you

Dear you,

My Mom got be a book titled "Positively Pooh; Timeless Wisdom from Pooh". It's just about one of the greatest things I've had the pleasure of holding in my hands.

I was reading through it about a week ago and found an excerpt that I've been wanting to share with you.

"Things are often better than they seem.
Piglet lay there, wondering what had happened [after popping his balloon]. At first he thought the whole world had blown up; then he thought perhaps only the Forest part of it had; and then he thought that perhaps only he had, and he was now alone  in the moon or somewhere, and he would never see Christopher Robin or Pooh or Eeyore again. And then he thought, "Well, even if I'm in the moon, I needn't be face downwards all the time," so he got cautiously up and looked about him. He was still in the Forest!
"Well, that's funny," he thought. "I wander what that bang was. I couldn't make such a noise just falling down. And where's my balloon? And what's that small piece of damp rag doing?"

I had a bumpy night at work tonight and in the end, sitting in bed at home, I realize that as bad as it seemed- I'm okay. There are far worse things that can come to me than a bad night. Everybody has them and if that's the worst I have to deal with this month, I'll consider myself a mighty lucky son of a gun.

I'm going to bed now, in a far better mood than I had four hours ago. I hope you're night brings you peace and happiness.

Goodnight, all.

Sincerely, me

Crap: there's always some Dawn for that

Dear you,

Have you ever cleaned out your fridge and seen some tupperware that is so devastatingly disgusting that you are convinced it is in no way worth it to save it. "Just, dear God, throw it out." Yeah, we've all been there. But what if it's not as bad as it looks. What if the grime isn't too stuck on it. Maybe there's not as much mold as you thought.

Maybe things can be cleaned. Maybe you can save your new Glad container. Almost anything can be cleaned, fixed, or reconfigured. I haven't come across a mess that has had no solution. Since beginning this journey of a life time a couple of months ago I have cried, dreaded the day ahead, and thought there was no way to go on. But I always have gone on.

Things changed. Plans went South (some literally =)). I've had to think about a lot of things. And through it all I have cleaned my messes. I wiped my tears, I worked through the strife I felt. And now it doesn't feel that bad. I have routines and plans and possibilities (Possibilities being the most exciting).

My messes were nasty and scary and gross. But they have never been too bad to clean. And maybe this could hold true for the rest of my journey. It's only beginning, of course. I'm hoping I can hold on to the fact in my heart that even when the messes get beastly I will be able to wipe them clean eventually. I will set straight what went cockeyed. I will settle whats been uprooted. I will calm the uproar. And I will wipe away the mess. At the end of the day I will know that I've done everything that I can and it is no longer in my hands. What will be, will be.

So tonight, I will sleep well. I have work and school tomorrow, a routine that is steadily working itself into me. Routines...I like routines.

Goodnight, all. I hope you can find peace of mind like I have, even if it's just for an hour or two. ;)

Sincerely, me