Sisterhood: a special thing

This post is going to be dedicated to my sister. I'm not going to go get all mushy because I would probably start to cry and so would she upon reading. Instead, I'm going to share a picture with you. It's not a pretty picture, but it's us. We were trying to make the ugliest faces possible and as you can see, I'm quite good at it.

Don't judge, or hate on this picture. Because deep down, you know you're jealous. You are jealous of the obviously amazing relationship I have with my sister. It's okay to be jealous, we know we're cool.

To my sister: Love you like a brotha!

P.S. In case you don't know me personally, I seriously don't look like that all the time!

Knowledge: comes at a price

Dear you,

I was looking around the internet as I've been known to do from time to time and found a website I rather enjoy. It's called TED. It's all these highly intellectual people talking about highly intellectual things. Some topics include: The Bio-Future of Bone Replacement, The Paradox of Choice, and Spaghetti Sauce. They're quite interesting.

I think it speaks to my thinker side, not my eighteen year old self. I've realized I have two very distinct selfs. Maybe even more than two, but two main ones. The one that loves Twilight and chocolate and shopping. And then there's the "me" that loves to go to art galleries and listen to lectures and play classical music.

Well, TED talks to the second me. While perusing the site I found out they had events. National and worldwide. There's actually one in DC this December. I had almost gotten excited thinking maybe I could scrape up the couple hundred dollars to go. This would surely be a life-changing conference. It was definitely worth me being a little broke for a while right? Wrong.

The two day TEDWomen conference costs $2,200. That's right! you heard me right! $2,200! What the heck? I feel like it is grossly unfair that you have to be wealthy to go. Are rich people the only ones that like to think and learn? Obviously not, because I am pretty far down on the "lots of money" list and yet here I am, wishing I could go to the smart people conference.

Now, I'm not blaming TED. They offer a lot with that price and honestly, I was probably just a little naive. But I do blame society. It's the same with everything. College-ridiculously expensive. Even with financial aid most people (including me) have to take out loans. Museums, Plays, Operas-you name it! It's all really pricey. Now, you can go see a movie for $9.00, but maybe my mind yearns for more. Where's my $9.00 entertainment? But that's life, I suppose.

I will say, however, that all the TED talks are free online to watch and very, very interesting. I highly suggest you look around the site.
ted.com

Alright, my rant is over.

Goodnight, all.

Sincerely, me

Crisp Air: air isn't always saturated with water?

Dear you,
I feel good today. Lighter in a way. Something about the day is just inherently...good.

I woke up at about 9:30 this morning which I have decided is the perfect time to wake up. 9:00 is a bit early, 10:00 is a bit late. But 9:30-just perfect. I got showered which always makes me feel ready to meet the world. I got in my car ready to get my errands done. Well, it didn't go quite as I planned.

Every place I went was closed. But somehow, I was not angry. I was not frustrated (well maybe a little). I just went back home. Driving doesn't seem to be such a bother when everything is within five minutes of everything else and it's only 74 degrees.

My back hurts pretty bad these days, but that's okay too. I have a massage on Thursday courtesy of my wonderful Aunt Laura.

I suppose what I'm really trying to say is that things just seem okay right now. I miss home, I miss my family. But that's not stopping me from living my life right now. I can still enjoy everything like I want to. It's not that my heart is missing a chunk that I left in Florida. It's that my heart is bigger now. It has a larger capacity for feeling. I can be sad and happy at the same time, in one heart. And that's a beautiful thing.

Until we speak again.

Sincerely, me

Baking Cookies: a childhood necessity

This post is going to be dedicated to the childhood staple that is baking cookies from scratch. My mother always baked cookies when my siblings and I were little. And once we weren't that little we started helping, too. I always thought everyone did that with their parents until I learned most moms just bake them from pre-made dough or just bought pre-made cookies outright. Gasp! I don't mean to criticize or anything, please understand that. If you didn't do this with your mom or child don't be offended. But that's one of my fondest memories from my childhood.
So take this post as a reason to make some from scratch cookies. Even if you're all grown up and on your own. Even if your children have left the coop. Do it! I promise you'll feel great afterwards like I always do. Annnnnnnnd it's not hard. You have my word. I'm going to give you my absolute favorite cookie recipe in the world: The Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookie.

• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 large eggs
• 2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) semi-sweet chocolate morsels
• 1 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees

Combine flour, baking soda, and salt in a small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar, and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in morsels and nuts. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.

Bake for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

If you do make these (which I really hope you do) make sure to comment and maybe leave a picture too. =)

Too Many Job Offers: who knew such a problem existed?

Dear you, 

I have interesting news. I have a job two jobs! Yes, yours truly is gainfully employed. Well, I will be soon.

I put out a few applications the other day. Knowing how hard it is to get a job back home I didn’t expect things to go so smoothly. Before I knew it, I was no longer stressing about not having a job, but the threat of having too many.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Kayla, that’s great. Now you can pick which one is best!” That’s what I thought at first. But does anyone realize that in a minimum wage job they don’t really give you time to think about it? They look briefly at your application to make sure you’re not a felon and BAM! You’ve been added to the team.

Well now, being that I am not a felon that should be great news. Except things went a little out of order. I applied at a coffee place up here named Tim Horton’s. Let’s just say, this doesn’t look like my kind of job.

They provide you with everything for your uniform down to the socks. Ew. Oh and let’s all have a big gasp in horror-I have to wear a hair net! GASP!

And believe me, I know what some of you are thinking now. “You’re just lucky to have a job. Quit complaining!” Well that’s true. But I also think that if you’re willing to go the extra mile your job doesn’t haveto suck.

So let me tell you about this other job. It’s a bookstore cafe (heaven). It’s super chill. The hours are great. And oh yeah (I can hear the hallelujah chorus now) they don’t have uniforms. That’s right people! You heard me right! I can where whatever strikes my fancy (as long as my shoulders and toes are covered).

Needless to say, I’m pulling for the latter of the two. Wellllllllllllllll I got hired at Tim Horton’s today. Woo. Hoo. How could I say no when I haven’t heard from the other place yet? I couldn’t, now could I? So yes, as of now I am the newest employee of Tim Horton’s. Sigh…

But don’t worry people! There’s another upside to this roller coaster of a story! I texted my cousin Chrissy that works at said bookstore cafe and got her to find the inside scoop. Well all be. I’m getting hired there too. But she isn’t going to be calling me for another week.

So now I’m left with a dilemma. You see, I am not good at face to face confrontation. I may be able to write a mean letter better than anybody I know, but when it comes to action…I fall flat. I either avoid the situation all together like the coward that I am or actually start to say something and end up editing most of my tenacity right out.

I know, I know. It’s not that big of a deal to back out when I only got the job yesterday. But what if she’s mad? How do you expect me to deal with that? Write her a letter calmly expressing why I made the decision to not work at Tim Horton’s? I don’t think so.

And now I’m up at almost one in the morning when I was tired at 9:00. I can’t seem to make my mind shut off. My hope was that if I can get everything written down I will be able to go to sleep. Well, here’s to trying.

Good night, all.

Sincerely, me

Dear you, 

I have just spent the last ten minutes writing something so personal…too personal. I am not brave enough to put it on here. I wrote it because I needed to, not to have people read it. But when I was finished I liked it. Maybe “like” isn’t the word. It just came out like I wanted. It’s not happy, and not funny. It’s me. Or the me that I am right now.

I got all the way to the start page for a new post and just couldn’t do it. I can’t post it. But you can know that I wrote it. It helped me, I think, having it written down.

Maybe I’ll post it later. But probably not.

Let’s hope for better days to come.

Sincerely, me

Faith: who knew people had it in me?

Dear you, 

Yes, I know I just posted. I was having a rough day. Well I guess it’s still the same day. But I have something different to talk about.

Somehow in the course of my life I built up faith. No, I’m not discussing religion. I mean people having faith in me. It’s kind of a scary thing, if you think about it.

Since I’ve decided to move everyone has told me how much faith they have in me. When did I earn that? True, other than a few isolated instances I have a pretty clean record. And yeah, I got good grades, held a steady job. But really, you’re going to invest faith inme?

I am eighteen years old. I’m living with my mom. I’ve never worked above minimum wage and if my suspicions prove correct that trend will be continued. I am obsessed with Twilight. I still get scared driving someplace new.

My Dad said something to me today. I suppose it’s what prompted this post. He said, “Well whatever you choose, I know it’ll be the right thing”.

My Dad. One of the best people I know. He lost faith in me during one of those “isolated instances”. For him to say that (without realizing it would mean anything to me, most likely) meant just about the world to me.

And while all that is great and it feels awesome to know people see you achieving such great things I can’t help but see the downside (as I do with most things).

How can I live up to the expectations of all these people that have invested faith in me? Now, when people read this I’m sure I’ll get a comment or two telling me how great I’ll do in the big bad world but that’s just it. How???

I guess I’ll find out in a couple months when I’m in the middle of my first semester. We shall see…

Until we talk again.

Sincerely, me

The Amish: much cooler people than you

Dear you, 

Today is better. I went to the Amish community about half an hour away today. I’ve been there a few times before, but it’s always enlightening.

I always go to the cheese factory first. That’s where you get the best cheese curds this side of…the world? I don’t know, they’re just really good. I also purchase my fudge there. We got back in the car donning our new map of the shops in town and headed into the heart of the Amish town of Leon.

There’s a special place I love to go. The Toy Store. It’s out on the top of a lone hill.                               

My sister and I actually got to know the woman in charge. Her name is Sarah. She has more kids than I can count, and all but one have already grown up. She may wear simple clothes but she isn’t such a simple woman. While I don’t know that she’s had a lot of formal education I can’t deny that I see her wisdom. It drips off of her.

I met her youngest daughter today. She’s only 17. She said something very interesting to me. She said, “I’m glad I don’t have to go to college.” She said it seemed too confusing. Being that I just went to ECC today and found out I have a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it, I couldn’t agree with her more.

It just made me realize something. Of course I never was high and mighty enough to believe that they wished they had my life but I did wonder…Did the girls ever wish they could run off and go to college or even just have a career that didn’t necessarily involve a family?

I suppose I still don’t have the answer to that question and never will unless I somehow get every girl in the town of Leon to tell me their deepest desires. Which…I kind of doubt. But I did realize that while some may want to experience more, others just…don’t. They are excited to be done with school just like us, but they are also so excited to settle down and have a family.

I suppose that while I don’t claim to be high and mighty about our culture and ways of life, no one is perfect. We all wonder sometimes.They must want to be like us! We have Facebook, and cell phones, and electricity! That’s just not true. I envy the Amish in a lot of ways. Yeah, they have no air-conditioning, but they also don’t have a lot of the big issues that our culture has to deal with.

You go, Amish people! I’m jealous of you.

Until we speak again.

Sincerely, me

A Week: the longest seven days of my life

Dear you, 

I’ve been gone a week. Seven days. 168 hours. 10080 minutes. 604800 seconds since I left my home. I can’t comprehend. Seven days seems like such a short amount of time. I think 604,800 describes it better. I’ve been absolutely loving it here. I can’t deny it. My previous posts have said that.

But the fact is that I miss home. Not necessarily the place itself yet, although once it hits below freezing I’m sure I’ll be longing for the soft sands of the beach. I miss the people. I miss my dad and my brother. I want to walk into my house and see my dad sitting on the couch reading a book. I want to burst into my brother’s room and affectionately yell “SHUT YO FACE” at him, as he reciprocates it back to me.

I want to hang out with all my friends. Go to Sweetberries. Hang out at Cheryl’s and Ashley’s and Shelbi’s. It’s just a lot to not have anymore. I know they’re all a call away but we can’t truthfully say that it’s the same.

For the most part, it still kind of feels like a vacation. Hey, I’ve only been here a week. But there are moments. Moments when some little voice in my head breaks free and starts screaming at me that I won’t see them all for months. “You’ve made a mistake!” she yells. “You miss them! You do!” I try and hide this girl inside me. This annoyance. But she can’t keep quiet long. How do her and I coexist?

I think she’s loudest right after I get off the phone with my dad. When I hear the sadness creeping into his voice. He hides it well, but it’s there. I know it is. How could I leave my Daddy? I still need him.

I suppose most people go through this at some point in there life. I think that’s how I cope with things. I always tend to tell myself that there are people doing the same thing as me, going through the same hardships. I guess as long as I don’t feel so alone in my problems it makes them easier.

There’s also my sister’s impending departure. I am NOT looking forward to Tuesday. As hard as it’s been this past week, I’m thinking it will just about double when my sister leaves me. My sister, my twin.

Another day down.

Sincerely, me

http://www.nastyhobbit.org/player.php?clip=four-yorkshire-men

I found this quite interesting. I guess it just goes to show that no matter what the time or situation, everyone will eventually tell their “I had to walk thirteen miles to school everyday in the snow uphill-both ways” story. Everyone claims “The times, they are a changin’” but I just beg to differ. I think this proves my point quite well. Oh and it’s funny too.

Laughter: the cure to end all cures

Dear you, 

Today I learned a lesson that you seem to have to learn over and over again. I started to re-realize this as my sister and I were doubled over crying because we were laughing so hard. Laughter does amazing things. It’s easier to see this when my sister and I make each other laugh so hard. I suppose it’s not so easy when you’re in a tough spot. I just hope I can take with me that piece of pure happiness, because I know that times will not always be this simple.

I wish there was a way to bottle happiness. To capture the nirvana-like feeling that you get when you can’t breath and tears start to well up in your eyes. I love that feeling. It reminds me that I shouldn’t take everything so seriously. Which, of course, is so easy to say now. I shouldn’t take everything so seriously. I shouldn’t. I know that. But when my car is making a funky noise, my cell phone bill is due, and there’s that little thing called tuition keep nagging at me it seems to slip my mind.

In other news, I’d like to thank the fact that this website exists. As you might be able to tell I love writing with a passion. One of my goals on my bucket list is to get published. Fiction is kind of my thing. Hey, if I can’t be a gifted athlete you gotta give me something.

While I say I love writing, I do not love the part where you sit in front of the screen looking at 75 pages of your book that you love like a child and don’t know what to write. Yes people, I’m referring towriter’s block. Dun, dun, dunnnnnn. Yeah, scary. I know. It just kills me. In effect, I don’t write much anymore.

Since I’ve started this blog a mere week (ish) ago I have just delighted in being able to write everyday. I find myself thinking of things to say and how to word certain things.

I don’t expect many people to be reading this, but that’s ok. I’m perfectly happy to assume (yeah yeah yeah, I already said I know what happens when I assume) that I have hundreds, no-THOUSANDS!, of people that are just chomping at the bit to get to their computers to read my blog. A little ambitious maybe…but that’s just me. All in all I just want to say “Thank you Tumblr! Your existence makes me happy”.

Until we speak again.

Sincerely, me

Welcome

Dear you,

It’s me again. Today we unloaded the truck, bought some basic groceries, and got the storage unit. Pretty average.

What caught my eye were the subtle ways I’m being welcomed. The way the rain disappeared to show me how beautiful the weather can be. The flowers are in perfect form to be admired. The birds are even singing me soft melodies asking me to stay and be happy here.

All the houses here hold normal people, living normal lives. But it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to assume (yes, I know what happens when you assume) that there are no Wii’s, no Facebook junkies, no flat screen tvs playing nothing but MTV. To put it frankly, this town is just plain quaint. I find myself yearning to take my book and go sit in the huge backyard overlooking a forest and get lost in it.

I want to go soak up some vitamin D on a blanket with my ipod playing me soft lullaby’s. It’s enough to change a person, even if it’s only for a day or two.

So thank you, Eden. I feel very welcomed. I may not be able to find my way around very well, but I’ll give it time. All things can happen in time.

Hope you’re feeling as welcome, wherever you are, as I am.

Sincerely, Me

Dear you,

I haven’t written in a few days. I’ve been waiting for inspiration. With my previous posts I felt very strongly that I needed to share my thoughts. I think I’m in kind of a bubble right now. Everything isn’t brand new, but I haven’t really gotten into the swing of things. So, I’ve decided to explain the last few days to you.

In case you didn’t already know, I have quite a large family here, on both sides. Offers have been pouring in for dinner and camping and various activities. I haven’t had such a busy social calender in…well, ever. I keep deciding that I am going to unpack my room (really though, I’ll get it done someday) and then I get a text or call inviting my mom, sister, and I off to somewhere more fun and thats the end of that.

Despite my inproductivity (I don’t care if it’s a word or not), my mother has been whipping this place into shape. She has finished the kitchen and most of the living room. So basically, I just need to get my butt in gear.

In other really exciting news I might have a job! There’s a cafe position open at Buff State and they only hire people with experience (that would be me!). So let’s all keep our fingers crossed shall we?

So, all in all, a good past couple days. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. “This was not interesting at all”. And you’re right. I didn’t really have a plan when I wrote this one. It probably just sounds like typical Kayla blabbering. But oh well, I promise they’ll be better. Just have to have something strike me.

Talk to you soon.

Sincerely, me

Moving: not for woosies

Dear you, 

Well, I’m finally here. Yes, I made it to Eden. I am overwhelmed once again by it’s sheer beauty. The hills, the houses, the lawns (seriously, they’re to die for). It’s all fantastic.

Driving through the mountains in West Virginia makes me realize why I left Bradenton. I mean, don’t get me wrong. The beach is great. That is, until you can feel yourself burning, the sand is encroaching on your towel despite your best efforts, your sweating like a pig, and you forgot your ipod so there’s no music. That’s totally fun.

But I saw all the amazing views. Things you just can’t see in the Sunshine State. I saw mountains, houses older than my parents, valleys, tunnels, tiny hick towns, and tons of other things that I, as analmost native Floridian, have yet to experience.

And while I didn’t see all of that in Eden specifically, that doesn’t mean I won’t ever again. I think this is what I’m trying to prove to myself. That even if I don’t stay in Eden forever, it doesn’t have to be one or the other. I can move to NYC, Philadelphia, DC, or anywhere really.

I think that we get into a mindset when we live somewhere for a long time. “There’s no way I could move. This is where my life is”. Well, I’m hoping to find out for sure but I’m starting to think that your life is wherever you make it. You might not know where the nearest Target is to your new apartment for a while, but that doesn’t mean you can’t move there.

This is the time people! Especially when you’re around my age. I don’t have kids to consider, a house to sell, anything but me, myself, and I to worry about. (Well actually, I have a ton of things to worry about but that’s not the point!) What I’m trying to say here is that no one should think they “can’t” move. That’s just not true. Even when it’s a hard decision to make (believe me, it’s hard) I think it might just turn out for the better in the end.

Talk to you soon.

Sincerely, Me

A good friend of mine sent this to me today. I choose to think it’s right on the mark.

The first three hours of my trip summed up in a few text messages

To Justin: Hey it’s Rachel. Fifteen miles in. Cat has diarrhea on floor. This is going to be fun.

To Justin: Mile 70. Gravel came up and cracked the windshield. Cat may have sharted. Super.

To Justin: Update number 3: mile 130. Realized we gave cat steroid, not tranquilizer. That explains the crazy eyes.

Growing Up: for the losers who can't stay kids forever

Dear you,

Well, it’s official. I’m moving. I’ve now said goodbye to my best friend, brother, and all of my girls. I knew this day was coming, but did not expect it at such great speed. In less than 6 hours I will embark on a journey that will, without a doubt, change my life forever.

“Great!” you say. “Congrats!” and “You’re so brave!” That’s just about all I’ve been hearing lately. Oh and a lot of “Be safe!“‘s as well. Of course, this is all appreciated and makes me realize how much I am cared for. But what those sentimental remarks don’t cover are the feelings of regret, doubt, and above all grief. Grief because, even though I know that my friends will not forget me tomorrow and they won’t replace me the day after that I know that our relationship will never be quite the same.

True, some relationships will strengthen. Some friends will rise to the challenge a long distance relationship will present. But others, I must confess, I fear will fall flat. Not that I’m doubting my friends love for me but…(for lack of a better phrase) shit happens. People move on. I’ll make new friends and so will they.

I understand that this is a necessary part of life, even a fun one. But all I can think right now, as I sit in my half empty room, is that I just want to be a little kid again! I can’t even describe in perfect detail how much I would give to be about six years old again. To be in first grade and have the world at my fingertips (well, maybe in climbing distance). I wish I could blink now and be back to the days of 8:00 PM bedtimes and three square meals a day delivered by my mommy.

At one point in everyones life they probably have similar feelings. In fact, as it is nearing the middle of summer, I suppose a lot of kids (er…adults) are packing up just like me, driving far away just like me, and maybe even starting a blog/diary/list of reasons why this is actually a good thing and not a horrible mistake just like me.

I’ll try and take comfort in that tonight as I lay in my bed for the last time. I’ll imagine all the teary eyed friends saying goodbye to their college-bound friends. I’ll see all the U-Hauls being filled. And I’ll see all the kids (You know what? 18 or not, we’re still kids in this matter) saying goodbye to parents and siblings with moist eyes and a pocket full of kleenex for the ride.

Good night, all.

Sincerely, Me

Hello

I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome myself to the neighborhood. This place is more my style. I'm going to be reposting my blog entries from Tumblr since I do not have that many.