Becoming An Adult: I can.

Dear you,

More has changed. I've already informed you of my lack of college this year. I decided to not even try with ECC anymore. Although I doubt I could have gone this semester even if I wanted to. So, for now, I'll work.

I got a job at a pub here in town. I'll be the hostess every Friday and Saturday and then do prep Monday through Wednesday. It seems pretty fun so far. Oh, and I got the job at Wet Seal. I beat out everyone I was up against and was given the position. Unfortunately, I was unable to take it because of the pub job. The hours conflicted. But I can take with me the immense satisfaction that I was given the job and no one else.

So, that being said, I'm good. I have one job and prospects for others. I even have other prospects for schools.

On a slightly sadder note, my mom has gone back to Florida. She was given a job and she took it. I'm proud of her. The things that she has done in the last month will undoubtedly make her a stronger woman, even if she can't see it now.

Yeah...so this means I'm now living alone. I have always told myself I did not want to live alone. I'm still not completely sure how I feel about it. I think I'll never be sure while I'm here because I'm not really alone. Yes, I am the only one living in the apartment. But, my great aunt and uncle are right upstairs in their house. I've already been invited to a bbq with my Uncle Mike today. I have dinner plans for a few nights this week with him and his mother in law (who loves to cook). I just can't truly feel alone while I have so many people ready to make me feel in the middle of everything.

Yesterday, when she left I of course sat around and sobbed to my hearts content. After about ten minutes of this I got a tissue, wiped my eyes and was done with it. Not that I'm done missing my mom (that will likely never happen, as with all my family in Florida) but I got over the self pity. I'm a big girl and this is my time.

I started organizing. If you give me a space and some junk I'll organize it. Guaranteed. I set up my desk in the front room. I set up the counter next to the desk. I washed the dishes. I felt better. I think I might actually like having my own space.

Hell, maybe this is actually a good thing. Baby steps. Well, I guess moving 1300 miles isn't exactly a baby step. But in the sense that I'm living "alone" before I really live alone. This will let me get used to it so someday when I get an apartment of my own I won't be so blindsided.

As I've said before, I believe everything happens for a reason. I can't always tell the reasoning behind certain turns of events but I know there has to be one. The last month has cemented that into me. I'm on the path I should be, as my mom is on hers.

Oh and one more guru nonsensical comment (I've gotten very philosophical lately): nothing is as permanent as it seems. I can move back any time I want. My mom can move here any time she wants. Heck, tomorrow I could board a flight to Los Angeles (not that I'd ever want to live there). Who the hell cares? Nothing is permanent and this is my time to do whatever I want!

I will be okay. And I'll say that a thousand more times if I have to.

Sincerely, me