Growing Up: for the losers who can't stay kids forever

Dear you,

Well, it’s official. I’m moving. I’ve now said goodbye to my best friend, brother, and all of my girls. I knew this day was coming, but did not expect it at such great speed. In less than 6 hours I will embark on a journey that will, without a doubt, change my life forever.

“Great!” you say. “Congrats!” and “You’re so brave!” That’s just about all I’ve been hearing lately. Oh and a lot of “Be safe!“‘s as well. Of course, this is all appreciated and makes me realize how much I am cared for. But what those sentimental remarks don’t cover are the feelings of regret, doubt, and above all grief. Grief because, even though I know that my friends will not forget me tomorrow and they won’t replace me the day after that I know that our relationship will never be quite the same.

True, some relationships will strengthen. Some friends will rise to the challenge a long distance relationship will present. But others, I must confess, I fear will fall flat. Not that I’m doubting my friends love for me but…(for lack of a better phrase) shit happens. People move on. I’ll make new friends and so will they.

I understand that this is a necessary part of life, even a fun one. But all I can think right now, as I sit in my half empty room, is that I just want to be a little kid again! I can’t even describe in perfect detail how much I would give to be about six years old again. To be in first grade and have the world at my fingertips (well, maybe in climbing distance). I wish I could blink now and be back to the days of 8:00 PM bedtimes and three square meals a day delivered by my mommy.

At one point in everyones life they probably have similar feelings. In fact, as it is nearing the middle of summer, I suppose a lot of kids (er…adults) are packing up just like me, driving far away just like me, and maybe even starting a blog/diary/list of reasons why this is actually a good thing and not a horrible mistake just like me.

I’ll try and take comfort in that tonight as I lay in my bed for the last time. I’ll imagine all the teary eyed friends saying goodbye to their college-bound friends. I’ll see all the U-Hauls being filled. And I’ll see all the kids (You know what? 18 or not, we’re still kids in this matter) saying goodbye to parents and siblings with moist eyes and a pocket full of kleenex for the ride.

Good night, all.

Sincerely, Me