Third Eye Blind: soundtrack to my life (except when they're talking about doing crack)

Dear you,

While the warm weather is back, Fall is still determined as ever. Leaves are changing more by the day and some are starting to fall. They flurry around my car as I drive down winding roads going here to there, wherever that may be. It's like they're playing with me. Jumping and dancing as I drive by them. Unfortunately I can't stop and play back. Maybe soon I will.

It's pretty and I can't imagine myself anywhere else. At least, not right now. I keep saying this, but I really think I am exactly where I should be right now. Everybody back in Florida keeps begging me to move back. I know they're kidding, but I also know it's always lined with a bit of seriousness. And while I miss everybody (A LOT) Florida is not where I'm meant to be. Maybe for a vacation here and there but I can't see myself ever living there again for too long. New York might not be where I end up when things settle down for me but it's definitely where I need to start.

As for living on my own I have to admit...I love it.

"I've never been so alone... and I've never been so alive." -Third Eye Blind

I'm listening to Motorcycle Drive By by Third Eye Blind and while it doesn't match up quite perfectly the message is there. I've never been so alone. I've never lived on my own. I've never depended on myself 100%. I've never done a lot of things. I've always been self sufficient but this is a little bit more than that. And I've never felt so alive. I feel independent. I feel strong. I feel happy. And I feel grown up. Sometimes I feel like I'm still a little kid wearing my mommy's high heels and lipstick but as I look in the mirror today I see a quantifiable adult. I may still eat with my family a lot, and I may still call one of my aunts or uncles when I need directions or have a question about my car but I am me. I am on my own. And I can do this. That's an empowering thing to say.

I didn't choose in the beginning to live on my own. It wasn't part of my plan. But neither was any of this, really. The best things that have happened to me since I left Florida were the things that I hadn't planned or expected. And I want to keep living in this fashion for as long as humanly possible.

I hope you're feeling the warm embrace of fall wherever you may be.

Sincerely, me