It's That Time Again...

That's right, the day has almost arrived. Moving day. My boxes are stacked up high in my apartment. My dresser is empty and my pantry is barren. I am in the midst of my last week as a resident of Eden, NY.

As I wrote just about a year ago, how can this possibly be the right  decision if it hurts so much? This place is my home. I know the roads. I like my friends here. I don't want to leave. I really, really don't. I have known this day was coming, but, just as last time, it really didn't hit me until a specific point in time. One moment and everything comes crashing to a halt in front of you. This happened to be while I was driving home from my aunt and uncle's house tonight. I spent the whole evening there. Ate dinner, watched Glee with my cousin, made cookies. This is my normal now.

What am I going to do without Sunday dinner at Grandma's? Yes, she's not really my Grandma but that's the magic of it. She doesn't have to be blood related to me. That doesn't really matter a whole lot in the scheme of things. She's Grandma all the same. I don't want to leave the traditions I have been enveloped in. I may have grown up in Florida but a part of me never belonged there (and still doesn't). This feels like where I belong. My life keeps taking these twists and turns that I feel I'm not ready for. I've made it through all of them and I'm sure I'll make it through this one just the same but, to be frank, it sucks. This feeling sucks. I feel as though I'm leaving half my heart.

This isn't just a town. It's not just Western New York. That doesn't quite paint the picture right. This place has a culture I've never known. Buffalo isn't a city, it's a way of life. Beef on wic. PIZZA. Real German food. Real Irish food. Small shops. Family owned pubs. Chinese food (that up until last night I didn't know I liked). Winter festivals. Chestnut Ridge. Lawn fetes. Maple syrup. Backyard weddings. Family dinner. Game night. I'm doing such an injustice to this place by making a list. I could never write it all down.

And then there are things that can't be thrown on a list so easily. Sitting under an oak tree listening only to birdsong, wasting the afternoon away without a care in the world. Feeling the first rays of warm, warm summer sun. Watching the leaves burst into flames of brilliant color, watching them fall, and seeing the miracle of Spring shoot life into them in the form of pink purple burgundy yellow green blossoms. Taking a long drive just because you can. Windows down, hills ahead, fields all around, with only nightfall trying to stop you. And even then... Parking your car at the Pub for work and walking to the pizza place right down the street after. Knowing everybody.

Eden, and Western New York as a whole, is not something I can effectively write about. I'm not doing it justice. I can't. Maybe it's because I'm just not a good enough writer. But maybe it's something more than that. Maybe this place just has a little bit too much magic to be written down in all it's glory.

To every single person who has touched my life since moving here: I don't know how to thank you. To all my wonderful friends. To my Eden friends that have known each other all their lives and yet, without knowing me for more than a couple months, welcomed me into their group like somehow I belonged. To my school friends, we were and are such a misfit, odd group of people. No two the same. And yet we were able to bond so strongly. Never forget that that isn't something that happens often and may not ever happen in our lives again. I love you guys. To my family...I don't really know what to say. How could I? How could I thank every person for every single thing they have done for me? This blog post would turn into a novel, let me assure you. You know who you all are. Thank you. I love you.

It hurts my heart to think that I won't be here a week from now. But, as I said before, I've done this already. I got past the feeling of regret. I'll do it again. Just as every other little kid, I wished I was grown up. Not old (40...ew), but I wanted to be in my twenties sooooo bad. Well I'm almost there. Yeah just as I wished I have a car and a cell phone and no curfew and I can have a boyfriend (ha. ha.). I can go to bed whenever I want and I get to eat ice cream before dinner if I want. With all that good stuff I also learned how sucky it can be to be a grown-up. I take that with me, knowing that, just as it was true as a child, I can change my mind a thousand times and then a thousand times more. Decisions are not life and death (usually...that doesn't count for doctors). Just because I am leaving this beautiful place does not mean I won't return.

With that knowledge, I arm myself. That, and the comforting thought that I have a kickass road trip to look forward to.

Goodnight all. I think I've bawled my eyes out enough for one night.