This year is quickly coming to a close. It's a surreal feeling. This has been the most pivotal year of my life, thus far. I don't know what to think of two thousand and ten's imminent departure. A good thing? I'm not quite sure.
I almost feel like I have an itch that I just can't scratch. Something that I haven't managed to accomplish this year. As much as I'd like to say that I'm independent, I'm simply not. I'm not. Yes, I live on my own...underneath my aunt and uncle. Yes, I have my own apartment...that I don't pay for. I can't even pay my own car insurance for Christ's sake. What am I? Twelve?
I feel like at this year's closing I won't be able to honestly say much has changed. Scratch that. A lot has changed. But I have somehow become even more financially dependent on my parents and family. It's annoying. I tell myself I'm an adult when I am clearly not. I am looking around my apartment right now. It's messy like 15 year old girls bedroom. I have no kitchen utensils, save for a single rubber spatula that I got at Disney a few years ago. The only reason I even have Tupperware to use is because my mom was nice enough to leave some for me.
My refrigerator consists of bagels, cream cheese, expired milk, and apple sauce. Add that to a box of mac and cheese and a good deal of Ramen and you have my entire stock of food. It's not even that I haven't gone grocery shopping in a while, this is just all I eat. I own nothing. I have no money to my name. It's a very demoralizing feeling.
I am leaving 2010 with no money, no assets except my 1997 Buick, and a strong sense that there's something better to be spending my money on than the book I really want.
I am lucky enough to be blessed with a family that has and probably will continue to support me.
With that, I am announcing my New Year's resolution to you. Here. Right now.
I want to finish 2011 with a feeling of accomplishment.
Happy New Years.
I love your resolution girl, you are doing great for being so far away from everybody and I'm very proud of you for having the guts to do it. I think you have accomplished something though. You made it up there and went to school when you almost thought you wouldn't be able to. You made friends when you thought you'd be too shy. You got tons of job offers and finally fit into the one you picked. Kayla, you did a great job with 2010 and I hope that 2011 will be even more special...with me. ;)
ReplyDelete=) This is why you're my best friend...
ReplyDeleteI think you should not be so hard on yourself! You may find that when you are older, you may be in a similar position again...sometimes, at any age, people can feel like they are starting from scratch. Life can go up and down that way. You are still quite young, and you are doing something to improve your life. Better times are ahead.
ReplyDelete