Not Sure If You Heard...

But I started a new blog. While this is more of a journal type of blog, this new one is a funny (hopefully)/foodie/crafty blog. I'm still getting into the swing of things but if you haven't seen it, go check it out. I just posted a new story and everything!
Happy and Full of Ice Cream

Oopsies

Real quick before I start my post I want to say that this past month has gone by faster than expected so WHOOPS for not posting at all.

So, I made a poopy friend mistake this week. I have this issue where I get all anxious about things. Especially when they have to do with people I care about. I want to make them as happy as possible, no matter what. That is, of course, an unrealistic expectation. Not only is that just impossible, I'm also not perfect and I'd say a good 30% of the time I just get it wrong. Well, this was one of those times.

A folk music festival is coming up that I really want to go to. I had been debating whether or not to attend because I couldn't think of anybody to go with. No one I know has a real passion for folk music so I don't want to pressure or guilt anyone to go with me. But then I had a stroke of genius! A friend from a few classes here at UCF is a folkie as well, which I just learned. I don't know her super well, but I figure she seems really cool and when I brought the festival up to her her eyes got wide and she seemed really interested.

Yay me! I had solved my problem. Case closed, right? Wrong.

I mentioned this to my best friend in the whole wide world. I told her how I knew she probably wouldn't really want to go since she wasn't into folk music too much. Here comes that pleasing everyone thing that I mentioned earlier. While I could have asked Cheryl, I was too worried she wouldn't want to go. Then, I worried that she wouldn't want to go but she'd feel like she had to since I couldn't find anyone else to go. If she felt obligated then that meant she wouldn't really want to be there so I'd spend the whole time trying to help her have fun. Which would effectively kill any fun the two of us could have. That's how the scenario played out in my head. Anxiety.

She seemed a bit quiet when I told her about my new friend that I was going to invite but otherwise seemed fine. The next day I excitedly told her how Demi (said new friend) seemed like she really wanted to go. Cheryl seemed quiet yet again and this time I didn't just brush it off. She explained to me that when I had said I wanted to go she thought I was going to ask her, as she had actually kind of wanted to go since I had so much fun the last time I went. Instant guilt.

Why is it that as her "best friend" I wasn't able to just know she wanted to come? By now, I've made a whole big mess of things because I simply cannot un-invite Demi. But I want to invite Cheryl. But now she will see it as a pity invite which it's not. But honestly if the situation were reversed that's how I would probably take it. And if she did come then I'd have the anxiety that comes from hanging out with two friends of mine that don't know each other. Trust me, it's no fun.

Basically, I feel like I've made it seem as though I would rather spend time with a girl a kind of know than the one I claim to be best friends with. Sometimes I feel like I just can't do anything right. Like I'm a royal screw-up. I should have asked her first. But I didn't. And now I feel bad.

Moral of the story: I'm not perfect. I make mistakes...kind of a lot. They make me feel more guilt than I feel is normal. I know I can never achieve perfection but I wish I could get a little closer. Another moral: I feel anxiety. A lot. The older I get the more social anxiety I seem to have. I feel like that's not good. Hmm...maybe I'll get that checked out.

Hope you're having a more mistake-free week than I am.

P.S. If I seem a little candid about my issues (namely anxiety at the moment) it's because I don't see the point in hiding it. Most people do; I usually do. But why? There's no good reason. Mental illness comes in every shade, not just black and white. Why be ashamed?

*Update: I'm tired of feeling bad for things. I don't think I'll do it anymore.*

Technology Hates Me

The Hard Drive on my one-year-old computer is not feeling so well as of late. I can feel the slimy tendrils of stress slithering around my shoulders whispering angry nothings into my ear. I am already considering how much it will cost me (I can guarantee you it will be more than what is in my pitifully small bank account). There's also the problem of my cell phone. HAHA! The fact that I've never been able to keep a phone alive for very long is a family favorite when taking jabs at me. I don't physically break them but they all seem to malfunction without fail (...or with fail? I don't know). Either way, I now have a phone on the fritz and a computer with an impending crash. Needless to say I was feeling pretty down and out. I was whining (perhaps a little too much) and my mom said these words to me, "My God! You're like one big First World Problem!"

Through the laughing that ensued I saw the wisdom in her words. She was right. These are both First World Problems. While they are still very prevalent in my mind since school starts back up in a week, I can take to heart that I still have food in my tummy and a roof over my head.

Happy New Year, all.

Christmas Time Is Here

Why is it that I spend the first eleven months of the year singing the joys of Christmas and when it comes I just wish it would be over? I get stressed and disheartened and generally just wish it'd pass as quickly and with as little pain as possible. About this time every December, though, I find something to be the kick in the pants I need to get back in the spirit. It's different every year. This year it came in the form of a very dear friends blog post. She wrote everything I wish I could think of. Give it a read, it's worth your time.

Reframing: Holiday Style

Date A Girl Who Reads

"If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads." - Rosemarie Urquico "Date A Girl Who Reads"

Sometimes I feel like I must be the only one to feel the way I do, but then I remember there are seven billion people on this planet. I cannot possibly be the only one who feels so strongly. When I am sad, I am devastated. When I am happy, I feel as though I'm floating amongst the heavens with the sun radiating inside me. When I read a book, I feel the book. I'm still not quite convinced some people understand how deep this can go.

I once had an idea for a new story. I was writing feverishly and listening to a song from a movie score. The song flung me into a pit of despair and I found myself writing and weeping. No, I was not just being an emotional wreck. I was feeling. Simply feeling. Feeling so strongly that I thought I was the story, that it was all happening to me.

Does this happen to any of you? Do you have moments when you're listening to a song and you can't help but close your eyes, purse your lips shut tight-you couldn't bear to speak? You just...feel. You get swept away in a sea of emotion, be it happy, sad, quiet, or loud.

If this doesn't happen to you-I'm sorry. Even when it's a sad moment, being able to feel so deeply and strongly is something that everyone should experience. If it does, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.

Uh Oh

Gosh darnit I did it again. I promise I will not leave this blog forever.

A few things have happened since I last wrote, the biggest of which is being diagnosed with ADHD. Yeah...I've never really been diagnosed with anything. Well, that's not true. I found out a couple years ago that I have PMDD but other than that, this is kind of a new feeling for me. While, in this day and age, it is not so detrimental to my well being what with medication, seeing a therapist, finding grounding techniques, it is still something that can be a huge part of your life if you let it.

Either way, it's still been something that's been on my mind quite a bit as of late. All those little things that are a part of who I am that I attributed to being a little "eccentric" or maybe that everybody feels that way. Well, I guess they don't. It's strange but extremely relieving to know that I have a bonified reason to be struggling in school right now, and not just that I'm dumb or lazy.

I'll leave that subject at that and move on to other news.

The holidays are upon us and I am quite excited. My cute little apartment is now my cute little Christmas apartment. It's cozy and festive. I wish it could stay this way all year long. :) Soon, the semester will be over and I'll have about three weeks to enjoy at home with my sure to be beautiful baby nephew that is so close to joining this world. All in all, life is good. A bit hectic and stressful, but good none the less.

I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and I hope you do as well.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Kayla

I ♥ Film Festivals pt. 2

Saturday, Cheryl and I watched the movie I had been most anticipating: Adante. It was spoken in Hebrew and was about a society that couldn't dream anymore. You should watch the trailer (Andante trailer) because it gives you a really good grasp at the theme of the movie. I had a hard time following the scenes because I felt like I was missing something but then it dawned on me that what I was seeing might be following more of a dreamers perspective. It's not supposed to make total sense. Sure enough, when I got home and looked at a more detailed synopsis I knew I got just what I was supposed to from the film and would love to see it again and catch some things I surely missed. 

After that we saw The Pill. This was a welcome break to the mind-a romantic comedy. I thought the leading actress Rachel Boston (who also starred in 10 Years Later) was delightful to watch on screen and felt like she really made the movie her own. She faintly reminded me of Zooey Deschenal, just in her eclectic and slightly off-the-wall personality.

Our very last film of the festival was Vamperifica (vamperifica.com). This one was a great mixture of drama, suspense, and comedy. Trying to bring back their vampire king, two vampires turn a flamboyantly gay community college student (Carmen) into a vampire. Even though he is the reincarnation of the ancient king his soul has morphed so much over the 200 years that the vampires that turned him are forced to try and take him down. They lose, and in the process turned one of his best friends. They end up living a happy/bloody eternity.

Ahhh and the festival was over. There was one more set of shorts we were going to watch Sunday but both of us were dead beat and decided that sitting in bed all day in our pj's sounded like more fun than getting all dolled up once again, driving twenty minutes, and paying a ridiculous amount of money for tolls/parking just for one set of shorts (and it was). Between getting really good at walking in heels, to learning a little about the process of making an independent film, to walking around downtown and discovering a beautiful park this festival has got me hooked. I want to go to more and I can already say that my name will be on the list for the festival next year.

The only thing I would change is getting the VIP badges. While the free popcorn was nice, I don't really think we got enough out of it. A whole festival pass was only $15. If we had've gone to all the parties for VIPs I'd say it was worth the money. We planned on going to them, but every night when we got out of our last movie the prospect of walking to wherever the party was, hanging out for a while, and having to get up for school the next day was just never worth it. Plus I got sick just in time for the weekend (yay me).

That being the only complaint, though, I'm one happy chick. 

I ♥ Film Festivals pt. 1

This week, I had the pleasure of spending four days attending my first ever film festival in downtown Orlando. Cheryl and I have been looking forward to this a lot and more went into it than you might think. Outfits had to be planned. New shoes/dresses/shirts/tights/whatever needed to be purchased (Good thing October is almost over, my bank account can't take much more). We put our schedules together with the film schedule and our list of films we wanted to see and set forth on making a time table. We also had to factor in in-between times, places to eat, you get the picture. All in all, this has more or less been consuming us for weeks now.

On Wednesday we got dressed and rushed off to the first and only film of the evening: Virgin Alexander (virginalexander.com). I highly recommend you look it up and watch the trailer. It was a delightful movie and I absolutely loved it. It was up for multiple awards and I'm still trying to find out if it won. After the movie, the filmmakers (husband and wife) came out and did a Q&A. I learned a lot about the film that really made me appreciate working on a budget. Your cheap film doesn't have to look cheap.

Thursday, we watched two groups of shorts: Animation Celebration which included Deep Blue Breath, Dissolving Destinies, The Birds Upstairs and the Jockstrap Raiders; and Artistic Impressions which included Dream Street Productions, Hallows' Eve and the Pumpkin Dream, Land of Blossom, NIQAB, The Fall of the Cutter's Mind, and Change. In the Animation Celebration I think my favorite was definitely The Jockstrap Raiders (thejockstrapraiders.com). It was a cute tale and was very well done. For Artistic Impressions I'd go with Dream Street Productions. It follows the style of a "Behind The Scenes" type of video only you realize it's the behind the scenes for the making of his dreams. Very cool concept, and again, well done.

Friday (my birthday), we saw 10 Years Later and Moleman of Belmont Ave. 10 Years Later (10yearslaterthemovie.com) was awesome. It followed a group of friends reuniting after 10 years (duh). Their reunion, however, is a bit rocky since one of them brings a tied up sheriff with them. It got really interesting and by the end you were rooting for the characters with unexpected veracity. Moleman of Belmont Ave (molemanmovie.com) was simply hilarious. The story centered around two brothers who owned their late mother's apartment building. After the mysterious disappearances of pets around the building, the brothers find out that none other than the Moleman is behind it. Their comedic timing was fantastic and I really enjoyed it. One of the brothers from the film was there (he was also the co-writer and co-director) and he did a Q&A. He was just as funny as his character and again made me realize what you can do with a tiny budget.

I'm cutting it off here since it's already kind of long as I have lots more to tell you. Pt. 2  coming soon.

20 Things I've Learned In Twenty Years:

1. Never grocery shop when you are A) Hungry B) PMSing.
2. Trying to force others to do something your way probably isn't going to work. Compromise, compromise, compromise.
3. There's nothing wrong with asking for help.
4. For some people, music soothes all. For others that may be riding their bike, playing video games, or watching trashy tv. Respect that.
5. Don't ever make a plan that involves doing it "even though you hate it". Chances are it won't work.
6. Always try to befriend the people you work with. It generally leads to a myriad of good things.
7. The fact that people like or don't like you may be completely out of your control. Move on.
8. You don't reap any rewards if you don't first take a chance.
9. Christmas shouldn't cause you stress. I mean, it does. But it shouldn't. Relax, have some eggnog, and enjoy the season.
10. Spending a little money to make your bed more comfy is money WELL SPENT.
11. Eating bagels for breakfast for two months straight will probably make you sick of them. The same rule applies to most things in life.
12. Realize that not every decision is life or death.
13. When in doubt-sleep on it.
14. Dealing with people you don't like is an invaluable skill. I'm still working on it.
15. If you are attached to an electronic more than you are a family member, it might be time to take a break from it. Or to get rid of the family member. Either way, you should probably think about it.
16. Organized life=less stress
17. Appreciate the fact that you have a home, money in your bank account (no matter how little, it's more than some), a bed to sleep in, friends, family, you get the picture.
18. Gifts should always be more fun to give than to receive. Check your priorities.
19. Safe is boring.
20. It's your life. Live it how you want to. And above all, strive for happiness. The rest will fall into place after that.

Some of those may be exclusive to me, but for the most part I think they're pretty good life lessons I've learned (the hard way) over the past two decades. I've been blessed with a wonderful life and sometimes it just takes me a little while to remember that.

Happy day, all.

What A Year For A New Year

(I'd listen to this song if I were you. I think it adds something. Ignore the video. Click here)

Is it really this time already? It's October. Soon, maybe too soon, I will be turning twenty. TWENTY! I won't be a teenager anymore. I won't have the excuse of youthful innocence anymore. I think I'm okay with it. Because, as we all know, I've never been one to relate to my age group very well. I get to enter a new era of my life, now. My twenties. Oy.

A lot is presumably going to happen now. There's a good chance I'll get married, have kids, maybe buy a house. All that, in the next ten years of my life.

And then there's the fact that it's almost the end of the year. It's October; a couple more months and BAM-2012. How does something so big sneak up on us every year? This means another year of my life will be laid down. I remember the resolution I made last year. I said I want to be proud of myself. I think I am. I've been doing pretty well in Orlando. Haven't starved, or gone completely broke, or locked my keys in my car. I think that's what success means.

I finished my school year at ECC and survived a bakery internship (which included Easter...holy crap). I made the decision to move home. That certainly wasn't easy. I made my first road trip sans Mom and didn't die. I got a new job and actually felt like I fit in from the beginning which has never happened to me before.

But let's not forget the most important thing of all. I'm going to be an aunt in a couple months. Our family is growing and I am so elated to think that I will have a new little one to love as if he were my own (but don't worry Rachel, I won't steal him). I relish in the thought of watching my nephew grow and play and laugh.

So there you have it. My year in a nutshell. Every year has seemed harder than the last. Then again, every year has seemed more rewarding than the last, as well. So here's to change! Here's to life and adventure and youth! Live to live, not to meet any kind of a quota. The world will be beautiful only if you make it.

P.S. If anyone has their year in a nutshell and wants to share, feel free. I'd love to read them.

A Picture Update

This isn't a "picture stories" or anything but I figured I'd throw a couple pictures up here to let you know what's going on.

This is my bedroom all decorated. I love it. I just finished it the other day and yes, as Cheryl likes to remind me, it looks a little like Grandma's cottage. But I don't care. It's just eclectic and homey enough to make me love it.

These are my roommates. The one on the right as you probably know is my best friend. Yes, we bicker. Yes, I'm so glad we live together. The one on the left is our new bestie. Thank the roommate Gods we got her. ♥

And this one is from fairly early this summer. It's not really an update I just wanted to share it because in this picture I was truly elated. That is no phony smile, no sarcastic grin. I was so purely happy right then and I think that alone makes it beautiful. Of course, shortly after this was the very worst part of my summer/year but that's beside the point.

So there you go. A little look at what's going on. Hope everyone is doing well. Goodnight, all.

You Never Know

I found out my friend lost her mother to a drug overdose last night. I don't even know where to start. My heart aches for her. She hasn't had the stereotypical platonic family ever in her life, as far as I know. And with all the trials she's been through she still has a solid head on her shoulders and a pretty face to boot. But losing a mom...this has gone too far.

Selfish me, I immediately began to put myself in her shoes. How would I feel if I knew I would never get to see my mom again? Never get another hug. Never call her to spill my week, even the dull and boring and never get turned away. How would I cope? How would I get up in the morning? I don't know that I would.

Eventually, of course, everyone must die. But not now. Not so soon. And my friend is two years younger than me to top it all off. Her mother will never see her high school graduation. She'll never see her daughter turn eighteen. How is that fair? How is that fair to my friend?

It's not. It's not okay. And if my mother ever did that to me I would hate her for it. But I know that no matter how much hate I would be able to muster it would be a grain of sand compared to the beach that just wanted her back.

Death is a part of life. It has it's time, it's place. And yesterday was not it. I will hold my shoulders a little lower today. Because more tragic than the woman that lost her life is the girl that lost a mother.

Carry on, young friends

So, as it always seems to happen, my life got busy and my blog got pushed to the side. I've lived in Orlando for a little over a week and it seems like a lifetime. Seriously. It feels like I haven't been home in months. I'm not homesick necessarily, it just feels weird. Never the less, I am settled in and it is time to start chronicling my life again.

School has started. Yikes. It's hard. Not hard. Rather, time consuming. I spend a lot more time studying than I have ever had to do (except college Macro Economics but I shudder just thinking about it, so let's not). I'm at a big girl school so I suppose it comes with the territory. It also probably didn't help anything that I spent the last year virtually homework free. I think I went soft.

All in all, I'm doing well. I've started my job and am loving it so far. I have not met one person I didn't like and it seems to be a small, tight-knit group which I revel in. I enjoy working in the Transfer and Transition Services Office because we are a sort of underdog that never gets credit. We serve a huge amount of UCF's 50,000 students and we do things no other office will do. I see everyone's eyes glimmer when they talk about so-and-so thinking about expanding our budget and whats-his-face finally taking notice of them. It's a very cool thing, and I'm glad to be a part of it.

My apartment is starting to really be home. It's cute, it's decorated, and it's clean. What more could I ask? I love my new roomie and have met her friends which are cool as well. Pretty much, I'm settling into this new college life and it's going pretty well so far. I'm working hard, but finding a little time for fun too. I'll keep you updated.

Goodnight, all.

I looked down my street today as I walked to my car. Something about the dark clouds and the vibrant greens of the trees was shocking. It was so saturated and deep. I stared down the street just as I have been for the last 16 years and for the first time in a long time I had to stop and admire the beauty of it. Hmph...weird.

Is It Time Yet? Oh It Is? Let's Slow Down A Little

In less than one hour it will be official: I move to Orlando in a week. If you've come into contact with me in the last several months you already know this since it's almost all I think/talk/dream/write/Facebook about anymore. I am so overly pumped to start this chapter of my life I cannot stand it. The best friend and I have been shopping, planning, and virtually designing our rooms for months. It almost doesn't seem real. The only things to keep me in reality are the constant calls from Cheryl about something we need for our apartment and the ever-present boxes stacked tall and wide in my bedroom.

I've made it no secret, this summer, that I detest Bradenton. I don't enjoy the heat. The beach is ehhh. The majority of the people here are simply people I wish I could never associate with. I don't like it here. But on the other side, I have my little secret. I love being home. While everything I just said was true, I cannot get over how much I love being with my family. Hanging out with my sister and brother is one of my all time favorite things to do. And before you even think it, it's not sad or pathetic at all. At one point I thought it was a little nerdy that I voluntarily spend as much time with my siblings as possible. But then I realized that the times when I laugh/cry the most often is with them. And, any way I can get to that euphoria could never be labeled pathetic. Few people know that level of happiness in their lifetime, let alone three times in an afternoon.

Spending the day with my mom, be it lunch or cleaning or shopping for things we can't buy, reminds me that friends don't necessarily have to be your age. I missed her a lot when I was in New York. Having Linda up there was like having a second mom, for sure. But I still missed my mommy. It's going to be hard not to have her a three minute drive away again.

And my Dad...our quiet Sunday mornings eating cinnamon rolls (Hopefully the orange kind, of course. Right Dad?) in the living room in our pajamas is a tradition that has truly proven itself over the years. While it used to include the whole family, it has dwindled down to kind of be "our thing" in my opinion. While I'm not up earlier than him anymore to make them myself, it's still something I can look forward to every Sunday I'm home. I tried doing it in New York and it just wasn't the same.

Pair that with my honorary sibling, Katy Jo that I've gotten to spend time with lately and you have one happy Kay. While I'm still bursting with excitement for Orlando there's that voice again that reminds me that behind my smile I will always have an ache in my heart for when I was last with my family. My last Wii night for a while. The last time I walked into my brother's room to yell, "SHUT YO FACE" and ended up staying for an hour. The last time my sister and I sang show tunes and one of us did something so stupid we couldn't stop laughing for half an hour. You get the gist...

All in all I'm counting down the days (soon I'll start counting hours hehe). I know this is the natural feeling because I've felt it so many times since graduating high school. Sigh...maybe someday I will be able to post other things besides silly poetry written by an emotional girl and ramblings about moving. I think it will help that after this next move I don't plan on moving again for a few years. We'll see how that goes! ;)

P.S. Congrats for reading all the way down here. I know it must get boring.

P.P.S. This is my 100th post! Yay me!

Tu es juste un bébé

Damn those that make you feel belittled.

Damn the ones that stand on your shoulders and call themselves tall.

Damn the liars and the cheaters and the cut-in-line sneekers.

Damn them all.

I will feel tall today.

I will stand with my shoulders held back, head raised high with my eyes on the stars because I am me and that's a damn good thing to be.

I will tell you that you are small because you are.

I will let you know that I am no dork, no loser, no down-and-outer.

I am graceful, divine, resplendent, sublime, exquisite, and radiant.

And that's on an off day.

You feel as though you're powerful. You feel as though you're cool.

Well let me tell you, you little boy.

You are nothing more than the lies you build upon yourself.

You are the failures of your life.

You are the disappointment of your family.

You are the lead balloon trying to float.

Go ahead and make me seem small. Because in the end I am a mountain cresting amongst the heavens and you are but a valley collecting mud for the swine to bathe in.


Oh and whatever you do, don't ever piss off a writer.

Fast Track To Nothing: this place sucks

Do you want to know why I really don't enjoy living in my hometown? Because I am so dreadfully sick and tired of small, petty problems. Being here does nothing but suck you into these trite issues that, frankly, I couldn't care less about.

Who's mad at who today? Who screwed who last night? Ohhh they don't want a relationship because they like your best friend? Ew did you hear about Skank A and Skank B? Yeah they got in this huge fight outside "insert lame hangout here" and now they've sworn to never talk again.

Hey! Guess what! No one gives a flying fuck. Yep. I said it. I don't feel in the mood to sugarcoat things. And somehow, even though I make my feelings clear, I still become involved. Even personally involved. Like, falling for a piece of crap. Yeah, you'd think missy here with her sarcastic, slightly sardonic blog would know better than to run away with emotions. You'd think she would know that trash and losers make up 90% of the population, leaving only a sad handful to live in the squalor they create. But alas, it seems even I am not immune.

I don't mean to sound arrogant, but even in my short-lived time away from home I was able to briefly glimpse the outside world. A world where the immature actually become the mature over time. Where it's not impossible to surround yourself with people that enjoy things other than Lil Wayne and crappy beer. Don't get me wrong, every place has their trash, but it seems to me that B-Town has a larger than normal concentration of it.

I love being near my family and sadly, that means I see myself spending more time than I'd like here in the future. But you can bet your ass I will never lay down permanent roots if I can avoid it. This place is like a poison, seeping through my still-young veins. I want to get out while I'm still really alive. While I can still somewhat separate myself from the "culture" here.

I may have said this in a bit of an erratic, emotional state but so what. If I have offended anyone, I am sorry. I'm not sorry for saying it, just that you found it personally offensive.

Opinion

I saw a really breath taking movie (The Tree Of Life) the other day. I won't go into to much detail because, to be honest, it's one of those things you just have to see. After seeing the movie, I decided to look up reviews to see if maybe I could learn a little bit more about the symbolism that I may have missed (there was a lot). I started reading reviews from reputable sources and the longer I read them the more I just felt unagreeable. Why am I listening to these people?

Then all of a sudden it all felt very silly to me. I was literally going online to find people that could tell me what they thought of a movie (presumably, what I should think of the movie). I didn't know these people. They might not have similar tastes to me, even. So why on earth was I spending my time listening to them ramble on about a movie?

Why does anyone? Well, I think that question is quite easy to answer and hard at the same time.  People seek movie reviews so they don't have to form their own opinion. But it also goes deeper.

"Ehh, I looked it up. Bad reviews. I'm not gonna bother," is something I've heard far too many times. Or better yet, "Well, it looked good but gosh it's getting bad reviews. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 20%. I'm not wasting my money on that".

Since when are we complacent to listen to other people's choices, feelings, and convictions? These days, it seems that to have an "opinion" one must  search the internet, television, and magazines just to get an idea of what's worth the effort or time. People are decided if they like something well before they ever see, read, or try it. It's sad that these are the ways of our world. Or rather, these are the ways of our society. I hate to sound hipsterish (yeah...I just coined that) but I would love to live some place in Europe where art, your true beliefs, and a love of life are all that guide you.

I am exploding

Every piece of me is on edge ready to take flight

With my arms held wide I let the skin of my face up to the sky

It leaves me for the great beyond

My hands lower to the cool, damp earth

They sink away into the soil

My eyes spot the  forest off in the distance

They leap from their home in search of fairy tale adventures

My feet find purchase on the gravel of a nearby road

They run...forever

My hips stumble upon the soft, soft sands of the beach

With sea spray misting all, they shake to the beat of the earth

All but one piece have gone, left for greater things

My heart, at first reluctant, floats to another

It will be safe there, protected

I am at home now.

Everywhere.

I'm Back!

I'm home. I'm at my old job. I'm settled in. Life is back to the way it was pre-New York. I hate that feeling. It's easy to just forget that whole year even happened. But it did and I will never let myself forget about it. Other than that, life is pretty normal right now. My life consists of Atlanta Bread, friends, family, and Atlanta Bread. That's okay for right now but I will happily admit that I'm quite ready to move to Orlando and begin my new college life.

In other news I'm considering starting a foodie blog. Specifically baking (duhh). I want my brother to do it with me and do the cooking side of it because he's actually a decent, self-taught cook. He's not so into that but maybe with some prodding I can get him to post a few times. I am hesitant to start this, though, because (as silly as this sounds) a blog is a responsibility to me. I love my blog. I'm proud of it. I try to post things semi-regularly and only about things that I truly care about. It's been quite a bit of work to not just quit. With that being said, starting another blog would be the same. I'm worried I simply won't have the time to make it perfect (or damn near, at the very least). Pair all that with the fact that I'm trying to start making videos with my long distance friend, Nicole, and you have one busy Kay!

I'll probably make it, just to see how cute it'll look and then we'll see if I actually post it.